This may not be the place for this but I wanted to tell you this rather than have you read it in the newspaper that Tom passed away at approximately 9:30 pm on March 10.

He was so strong but the cancer that consumed his body was so aggressive he just couldn't keep up.

I am convinced I will not recover from this even though people keep telling me I will.  How do you lose the love of your life of 40 years and recover?  I'm not sure how I'll ever get through each day.  Please do not think this is for sympathy because that's not who I am.  Because this is a Blog I am just expressing my thoughts.

Tom taught me so much.  He was so balanced.  So sure of himself.  So comfortable with the person he is.

As most of you know, he did all of the work on our house, remodeling, mowing the lawn, cutting wood, various repairs.  You name it, he did it.  One Monday I came home from work and asked him what he was doing.  He said "nothing".  I asked him why.  He said he took every Monday off.  He did nothing on Monday's.  He had that sense of "balance" that I surely do not have.  I hope I can learn from that.

I dented my car once (probably more than once) running into a parking garage poll or some other such thing.  He never batted an eye.  He used to say "It's done now.  All we can do is have it fixed".  He never let small things get in the way of more important things.

For those of you who have not experienced it, Lung cancer is a horrible disease.  It stripped everything he had away.  For those of you who have visited Tom recently you saw, first hand, the devastating effect this disease had on him.  He lost so much weight, he lost his ability to walk, his vision was impaired.  This man, who did everything, was reduced to being tended to which was the last thing he ever wanted.  He did not deserve this.  No one does.

I think he knew the end was coming.  I told him I could not do this alone.   I asked him if he would wait for me in heaven.  He said he would be sitting in his recliner, waiting for me to get there.  We talked about how much we loved each other and how lucky we were to have forty years together.  At one point we even talked about driving off a cliff together so we could be together but our kids quickly reminded me that I could become paralyzed, or worse, and still live.    I know he did not want to leave me.  I think because he wanted to make sure I would be okay.   I will never be okay.  How could I?  Please don't tell me I will because now I wouldn't believe you anyway.

I am so proud of our kids and how they helped us through this.

I am so grateful to my sister for just being there.

I am thankful for Tom's family and their support.

A special thank you to John, who took time away from his family to stay with us at the Hospice House.  Thank you so much John.   You are a true friend.

Thanks to all of you who followed the Blog, kept in touch, did what you do.  We will be forever grateful.

God Bless you.