9:23 PM tomorrow will be one year since Tom passed away from his courageous battle with lung cancer.  It seems like yesterday.  How can you spend 2/3 of your life with someone and then they're gone?  People continue to say things will get easier.  They have no idea.  I don't believe they get easier.  It's just that you just keep going because it's the only choice you have.

I want him to come home.  I don't want to do this anymore.  It's just too hard. 
I clearly remember Tom lying in our bed telling me how unfair it was for him to keep going, how much he loved me, how he wouldn't change a thing; that he would wait for me in heaven.  I pray that he is waiting and that one day we will be together again because being without him is just "being" it surely isn't living. 

My last blog was about people being more compassionate.  To be more aware of what they say.  That saying "have a nice day" seems so insensitive.   I've come to realize that people mean well, they just don't know what to say.  They say what comes to mind in hopes it will make the person grieving feel better.  The reality is, that for me, nothing helps.  I'm not even sure time will help.  I keep thinking that I should have a more positive attitude by thinking about all of the good times that Tom and I had.  How much we loved each other and how blessed we were to have the kind of unbreakable bond we shared.  I know what I should be doing - getting there is a lot harder.  I truly wished it had been me, instead of Tom, but I know in my heart this wouldn't be any easier for him and my wish is for purely selfish reasons.

I don't write this blog for pity.  I'm hoping, in some small way, it helps people to understand the thoughts and feelings that occur when you've lost the most important person in your life.

I am very grateful for friends and family that help in ways that I can never thank them enough.

Thanks Tracey, for your comment on the last Blog.  Thank you too, Kel.  For those of you who really knew Tom - you have to know how difficult this is.  He was an amazing person, and there aren't many like him.  I will always love him.

I have not posted for a long time so I'm not sure if anyone will ever read this but here goes anyway.

It seems a little senseless to post since I can't report on Tom's progress anymore but it seems I have some things I would like to say.  If anyone reads this, that's great, if not, I guess sometimes it's just good to write things down.

It's almost been a year since Tom passed away and it seems like yesterday.  I keep thinking it's time for him to come home now because living without him isn't living at all.  I am sure there of those who think I should "just get over it".  Believe me when I say, unless you've been here, you have no idea what it's like and to think "just get over it" is cruel and unfair.  To those of us who have lost someone we care about, more than life itself, we are in an exclusive club that no one wants to pay the dues to get in.  I certainly don't want people to feel sorry for me and it's not about that.   It's about having enough compassion to not assume you know how people feel unless you have been through this yourself.  I spoke to a friend today who lost her son to a suicide recently, at 21 years old.  She too is frustrated with people telling her to "have a nice day".  How does anyone, especially anyone who has lost someone close to them and recently at that, "have a nice day"?

So, my message for this blog is....If you know someone who has suffered a tragic loss please have some compassion.  Don't assume you know how they feel and that you can make it better.  You can't.  Let me preface that by saying without the support of friends and family I could never get through each day and I am truly appreciative of everything that everyone does for me but some things just can't be "fixed".    Trying to make people feel better by saying things like "time heals all wounds" isn't necessary, just being there is.