I will start this Blog with the response I received from Tom's Oncologist....

"Dear Ms. Drolet

I received and read your recent letter with great sadness. I am very sorry that I and my staff did not provide the support that you feel you and your husband needed in his time of need. Our best efforts were not enough and for that I am truly sorry.

Tom developed a dramatic and relatively unusual development with metastatic disease in and around the covering of the spinal cord. I want to reassure you that every attempt was made to help improve his pain control and his overall functioning. However, nothing that we could have done would have changed the course of his illness. It is the sad but unfortunate truth.

His loss was, I know, truly devastating to you. If we could be of any help in answering any of your questions about his illness or if you feel that a talk with either the hospice social worker and bereavement counselor or a talk with Paula Plona, our oncology social worker here at the Payson Cancer Center, might be of benefit, please let us know.

Again, I am very sorry that we fell short of fully supporting you and your husband.

Also, thank you very much for sending me the book Love, Medicine and Miracles. I very much appreciate it.

Again, my condolences to you on your husband's passing."

I believe his response is sincere.  I am going to call him tomorrow to make an appointment to talk to him about Tom's cancer.  I know it won't bring Tom back, although I would give anything if I could, I still need answers.  There are those of you reading this Blog who would think this is a waste of time but please believe me if you are ever in the position  I am in now you would feel differently.  I hope my letter will help the next family who has to deal with this devastating disease.

Thank you so much Kerry for your comment on the last Blog.    You say Tom did not deserve this disease.  You were there.  You know how he looked in the Hospice House.   To see someone like Tom, who never stopped, end up the way he did was devastating.  To watch it happen day after day was heartbreaking for me and for anyone else who watched the disease unfold. 

I can't tell you all how many times I've known folks who have lost spouses or loved ones.  I've said I am sorry and truly meant it.  There is no possible way you can really understand what happens to the ones left behind until you've been there.  I know I didn't.  Any of you who know Tom and I know that we not only loved but respected each other.  How does one recover from that?  Any of you who know me also know the last thing I want is pity or sympathy.  Believe me when I say I wished I could feel differently.  I wished there were just one day that I would not be crying.  I wished there were just one day that I didn't see the look in Tom's eyes when he knew he was going to die.  I wished there were just one day I didn't remember him withering away.  I wished there were one day, just one, that I could talk to him, hold him, be with him, if only for one minute, just one.

I finally went to see my Mom this weekend.  She is 86.  I may have mentioned this in a previous blog but I never told her Tom was sick because she is home bound and I thought there would be no point in worrying her.  I haven't seen her for several months and it took all the courage I had to see her because I knew I would fall apart.  She asked how I was doing and we both started crying.  She lost my Dad when he was 47.  He dropped dead of a heart attack.  She told me "they say it gets better but it never does".  I believe her.  This kind of trauma changes you.  

I love our kids.  I love our grandchildren.  I am not lying to you when I tell you that I wished I had died that day with Tom.  Again, please know I do not say this for sympathy.  I have discussed this with our kids.  They know how much I love them and this isn't about them or the grandchildren.  I am trying to "get it together" but I don't know what that means.  Because at the end of the day I'm alone without the love of my life.

I have gone back to work two days a week in the office and the other three days I am working at home at the urging of my pastor.  My boss told me the other day that I come in the office, I don't talk to anyone and that I need to start reaching out to people because I am making them uncomfortable.    I have all I can do to go to work on the days I am there.   I am so appreciative of everything the folks in my office have done for me during my absence.  I have told them that.  I have, and would never, take advantage of anyone or deliberately make anyone uncomfortable.    I am telling you this because it is just an example of how people do not understand how hard this is.  And I guess I don't know how they would unless they have been where I am today.  I hope any of you reading this never has to experience the emptiness that I feel every day. 


I am putting these things in the Blog because I now understand what grief really means first hand.  I am hoping I can give you just a glimpse of what it feels like so you have some sort of understanding when you see me and you don't think I've "moved on" the way you might have thought I would.

My kids keep telling me I am stronger than I think I am.  They have been incredibly supportive and I could not ask for better children.  I'm not sure they are right but I'm working on it.


For those of you reading the Blog who think I should seek counseling I have done that as well. 


I continue to receive offers of help and I am so very grateful for that.  Thank you so much.


I am so thankful for those of you who continue to call and stop by.  Your never ending support means everything.




I am working on the November Lungevity walk and hope you will all be joining me.  I will be posting the information on my Facebook and Twitter pages (Kelly helped me set these up).  I am also hoping to advertise in the local papers so please be looking for it.  Lung cancer is such a devastating disease.  Please help me to bring an awareness of this disease for those who are living with and dying of this disease.