Day 27 of treatment.

Just radiation today. Tom has 6 more days of radiation. We'll know more next week when we see the Oncologist as he takes the lead on Tom's treatment.

Tom felt a little better today. Still having trouble swallowing due to extreme acid. Hopefully without Chemo that will get better.

For those of you reading the Blog when you first enter the site you should see Kelly's Blog featured as well. She had a post for today called "Art Class". If you haven't read it, please do. She wrote some very nice things about her Dad.

Thank you all for your comments on yesterday's Blog. Comments are always welcome!! If any of you reading the Blog haven't read the comments, take a minute and read them. They're great!

Kerry thanks for the information. Actually I do stop at Trader Joe's when I'm in Nashua. I wished they had one closer but you're right they have a lot of organic stuff. I bought a watermelon there recently and no, it did not cost $30.

Nan (my sister) e-mailed today, as she does each day. Nan has been on the organic band wagon longer than I have so she has more experience. She just switched all of her makeup to Physicians Formula because they produce certified organic makeup. She told me that she saw it at the Ocean State Job Lot store at a fraction of the price she paid for it. If you're interested you may want to check it out. She also told me she was going to e-mail Maxwell House to encourage them to think about producing organic coffee. You go Nan!!

This goes to one of the Blog readers - hope you're continuing to do well at quitting smoking. Don't give up, no matter what!!! You can do it!!!

Tom and I stopped at Pip's after treatment today and went for a short walk. Thanks Pip for inviting us.

We continue to receive e-mails, calls, visits and cards and of course, Blog comments. Thank you all so much for staying involved and staying with us throughout this journey. We are so appreciative. Thank you!!!

Day 26 of treatment.

Both Chemo and radiation today. We think this is the last day of Chemo. The Oncologist said something, earlier in this process, about additional Chemo in a few weeks but we won't know until we meet with him next Tuesday.

Tom felt pretty good today. I think a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders thinking the Chemo is finished. Here's hoping tomorrow is as good as today!

His blood pressure was really good today - 114/70. No more Procrit shots either! His weight is another story. He lost more weight this week. His weight, with his clothes on was 140 today. Hopefully, without Chemo, we can get some weight back on him.

Thanks Donna and Billy for visiting Tom today. I had to leave him at Chemo while I went to the office. I'm glad you both stopped and he was too. I know he's ok with staying alone but I hate leaving him there to get the treatments by himself.

Thanks Jeanne for stopping yesterday and giving Tom another Reiki treatment. That positive energy can only help.

Sharon and Dick stopped Saturday and brought soup - one for Tom and one for me and tons of herbs. Thanks guys. The soup is excellent!

Chick actually picked us some wild blackberries and dropped them off over the weekend. Thanks Chick, I used them in muffins.

Thanks Kel, Kristi and Brenda for your Blog comments. They are appreciated. It helps me feel connected.

Thanks Nan for always responding to the Blog and giving me encouragement. Thanks for all of the plants too.

Thanks Brian for mowing the lawn again.

On another note, I stopped at the Co-Op to pick up some groceries, as I'm determined, that we will continue to eat organic foods. Tom has been able to eat watermelon so I picked one up while I was there. I didn't realize until I checked my receipt later on that the watermelon was $30. Yes, folks, you read it right - $30. This was not a large watermelon. For those of you who have been eating organically for a while, the watermelon rind protects the fruit from pesticides so they don't carry the same pesticide dangers as some other foods. I'll still buy organic watermelon, I'll just check the price first!!

Tom doesn't care about the organic foods but he draws the line at coffee. He still wants only Maxwell House. I'm working on that one.

As I am writing the Blog it occurs to me how incredibly lucky we are to have such good friends, family and people who care about Tom and about us. In spite of all that is going on we feel so blessed to have such support.

Thanks to you all!

Day 25 of treatment. So hard to believe we started this on July 12!

Tom didn't do so well today. His blood pressure was very low so they would not give him his Chemo treatment. His blood pressure was 80/40 if that gives you any indication. Instead of the Chemo he got saline as he was dehydrated again.

Jeff and Lee stopped this afternoon as did Kel and the kids. Thanks guys for stopping by.

I received an e-mail from a friend today saying she has been reading the Blog and it prompted her to stop smoking. She has been three days smoke free. Congratulations. I'm sure it isn't easy but it will be worth it. Your family will thank you! On one hand, it's unfortunate that the Blog, because of the nature of it, is in some part responsible for encouraging someone to quit smoking. On the other hand, it's a good thing if good things come out of reading the Blog.

I also encourage my friend to think about starting a Blog of her own among her smoking friends, relatives, workmates, etc. Why not use the Blog as a source of encouragement to keep going? Especially with those around you going through the same thing? Whatever you decide to do DON'T QUIT THE FIGHT TO QUIT!!

Those of you reading the Blog know that each day my sister sends me an e-mail to comment on the Blog and send words of encouragement. In today's e-mail she told me how much she loved the "dump" story and that in times of crisis you find out exactly what you are capable of doing. Last summer our brother-in-law had a serious ankle injury. He was unable to walk for several months so my sister stayed home with him (worked from home) and was responsible for a lot of things she was not responsible for before. She really got to test her skills and knows first hand that you can do things you didn't know you were capable of. In her e-mail today she also told me how much her husband hated that she had to do everything. I know Tom feels very much that way. He doesn't tell me that but I know it when I try to do something and he barks at me and tells me to leave it alone that he'll get to it. I am his wife. I love him more than words can say. That said, I have no idea how hard this is for him. I will say this with all the sincerity in my heart. If I could take this disease for my own and relieve him of it I would do it in a heartbeat. I used to hear people say those things and think they were nuts. Now I truly understand what it means to feel that way. Instead all I can do is support him in every way I know how and be there when he needs me.

Thanks so much for reading the Blog, for your prayers, well wishes, visits, calls and e-mails. Do something nice for your loved one(s) this weekend. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to take a lot of time. It can be as simple as a kind word, a wild flower, a walk. Take the time.

Day 24 of treatment -

Not much new to report. Tom was better than yesterday, not as good as the day before. We take each day as it comes.

He didn't take a nap today though, which he usually does.

We long for the days when he feels great and can do the things he used to do.

Jeanne came to the hospital to visit during Chemo today. Thanks Jeanne. It's always fun to have company and it's a long time to sit with not much to do.

Jeanne reminded us (me) of something very important today. Not only is Tom going through this grueling therapy but he quit smoking in May, cold turkey. I keep forgetting that it probably isn't just the therapy that's getting him down but I'm sure the withdrawal from smoking has it's impact as well.

I applaud him for all he's going through, including quitting smoking, and I am so very proud of him.

I know I've mentioned it in previous Blogs, in addition to the comments that sometimes appear on the Blog we get e-mails from folks giving us suggestions, sending well wishes or just checking in.

Thanks Anne for the powdered milk suggestion. We'll try anything at this point.

Thanks Ted for the e-mail. Tom thought it was pretty funny! It's always good to get a laugh.

Any of you who know Tom knows that he does practically everything around the house, at least anything to do with outside (and the numerous remodeling projects). Some of you who also know him know that he does it because he likes to do things that keep him moving and those of you who don't know - he does it because no one else could do it right!

In any case, for the 23, or so years that we have lived here I can count on one hand how many times I have been to the Canterbury dump. I decided to help Tom and start going to the dump with him (that's probably his only outing other than to therapy). I had my third trip on Wednesday. Now I know why he complains when I put too much in the barrel or don't close the bags tight enough. I guess we can all learn something new each day.

For those of you who don't know me well I work with various clients performing financial audits. I have not told most of the clients I work with about Tom, mainly because it's hard for me. One of the few I have told sent me an e-mail telling me that the Blog was a good way for me to talk to someone rather than keeping everything to myself. It occurred to me, he is absolutely right! This is my therapy. For all of you therapists out there willing to listen I am eternally grateful and it sure is cheaper than hiring a therapist (unless of course you start sending me bills). All joking aside, this means more to me than I can say. Just to have you in our corner means everything. Thank you again!!!

I can't say it enough to all of you who read the Blog, send e-mails, call, visit, pray, and give us your well wishes. Hang in there with us! We are so appreciative of all you do and you're just being there.

Day 23 of treatment.

Guess we knew it was too good to be true that Tom would have two good days in a row. He was feeling crappy when we got home from Chemo today and went to bed early without anything to eat.

I'm sure it's the agressive Chemo along with the radiation that takes its toll on his body.

In my infinite wisdom yesterday I tried to make Tom something different for dinner than the standard mashed potatoes and soft vegetables. I thought, organic pasta with pesto sauce. I thought it would be easy to swallow, give him some calories, etc. etc. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Fortunately he tried it and didn't like it. I tried just a little of it because I had fresh vegetables for dinner. As you know, if you have been reading the Blog, Tom continues to complain about acid. Evidently it is caused by the Chemo. Last night I woke up several time because I had such acid I couldn't sleep. I can count the times on one hand that I've had acid and I've never had it like this. I felt like I had a rock in the bottom of my throat. So...it's not bad enough that he already had acid and couldn't eat, I gave him more with the pasta I made for dinner!

The only good thing to come out of it is that I now have an inkling of how he feels. I think it was meant to happen so I would "get it". I've been sympathetic as to how he's feeling so that's no surprise but now I have a much better understanding of how horrible it is to try and eat when you're not only feeling crappy but also when you feel like you have a rock in your throat.

I couldn't be sorrier for doing that to him. Needless to say I'm staying with simple things for him to eat even if he eats the same thing every day for the rest of the treatment.

Jeanne forwarded me an article on "taking time for yourself" for hands-on caregivers. It gives some suggestions of how to take a break (without feeling guilty). Thanks Jeanne. I'll have to work on that one.

Thanks again to all who are reading the Blog, praying for us and sending well wishes. We truly appreciate it.

Day 22 of treatment

This will be a relatively short post.

Radiation and Chemo again.

For whatever reason Tom is more upbeat today and looks better than I have seen him in weeks. Even the Chemo nurse told me he looked good today.

Let's hope it lasts!

I would like to take this opportunity to explain last nights post. It was never meant to offend anyone. While we appreciate all the offers of help, and people have been helping right along I've been a little reticent to accept help. Partly because that's my personality but it finally came to me what the real reason was. It wasn't until Tami offered to help that I realized if Tom can't take a break it's not fair for me to either. To some of you that may sound ridiculous but to me it makes all kinds of sense.

It's not about the offers to help. It's my guilty feelings that I don't want Tom to have to go through this alone.

For any that I offended with yesterday's Blog please accept my apology.

All along I have continued to say that without all the support we are getting this journey would be significantly more unbearable than it already seems.

Thank you all for your offers, for your help and for just being there!

Day 21 of treatment. Radiation and Chemo this week.

Tom lost another five pounds this week. We were able to get him some prescription medication today that is supposed to help with the acid. I hope this works so that he can eat a little more. It's important that he maintain his weight and not loose any more and we just can't seem to get there.

On the upside, his blood pressure wasn't too low this week and that's a good thing.

I know in a previous Blog I mentioned Tom was starting to loose his hair. I knew it was getting a little thinner but didn't realize how much he was loosing until I went to change the sheets this weekend and it is EVERYWHERE. For those of your who know about my hair fettish I'm actually handling this a lot better than I thought I would.

Thank you Kerry for the diet recommendation. Tonight I made mashed potatoes with cream and lots of butter. He ate them. I started making his scrambled eggs with cream a few days ago in an attempt to try to increase his calorie count. Whatever it takes to get the calories in.

Tami made some blueberry muffins for him. If I heat them up so they are soft and put butter on them he can get them down. Thanks Tam.

I have tried the protein powder every which way. I think he doesn't like it because it makes things taste grainy. It may be great in smoothies but he doesn't like them either.

I fully expect we will get a visit from the nutritionist this week once she sees the weight loss on his chart.

Thanks to the Belmont crew for the card and the gift card.

Thanks Carla for the kind words.

Tonight I had a discussion with our daughter. She offered to take Tom to his treatments so that I could get a break. I appreciate the offer. My response to her was - Why should I get a break when Dad can't take one? Tom and I are in this together. I can't believe anyone could be married as long as we have and not feel the way I do about this. I'm no marter and anyone who knows me definitely knows that I'm no Saint but I believe what I said to Tami. We're in this together all the way.

I am so grateful to my boss for allowing me to work at home and re-arrange my schedule in order to take Tom to his treatments each day and just to be with him. Thank you Brad.

There are certain days when I can't be with Tom because of work and I know I've said it before but I'm very grateful for those of you who stepped in to help when I couldn't be there.

Thanks to those of you who continue to read the Blog, e-mail, call, and visit. I won't say we couldn't do this without you because we don't have a choice but all that you do eases the burden. Thank you!