Day 22 of treatment

This will be a relatively short post.

Radiation and Chemo again.

For whatever reason Tom is more upbeat today and looks better than I have seen him in weeks. Even the Chemo nurse told me he looked good today.

Let's hope it lasts!

I would like to take this opportunity to explain last nights post. It was never meant to offend anyone. While we appreciate all the offers of help, and people have been helping right along I've been a little reticent to accept help. Partly because that's my personality but it finally came to me what the real reason was. It wasn't until Tami offered to help that I realized if Tom can't take a break it's not fair for me to either. To some of you that may sound ridiculous but to me it makes all kinds of sense.

It's not about the offers to help. It's my guilty feelings that I don't want Tom to have to go through this alone.

For any that I offended with yesterday's Blog please accept my apology.

All along I have continued to say that without all the support we are getting this journey would be significantly more unbearable than it already seems.

Thank you all for your offers, for your help and for just being there!

Day 21 of treatment. Radiation and Chemo this week.

Tom lost another five pounds this week. We were able to get him some prescription medication today that is supposed to help with the acid. I hope this works so that he can eat a little more. It's important that he maintain his weight and not loose any more and we just can't seem to get there.

On the upside, his blood pressure wasn't too low this week and that's a good thing.

I know in a previous Blog I mentioned Tom was starting to loose his hair. I knew it was getting a little thinner but didn't realize how much he was loosing until I went to change the sheets this weekend and it is EVERYWHERE. For those of your who know about my hair fettish I'm actually handling this a lot better than I thought I would.

Thank you Kerry for the diet recommendation. Tonight I made mashed potatoes with cream and lots of butter. He ate them. I started making his scrambled eggs with cream a few days ago in an attempt to try to increase his calorie count. Whatever it takes to get the calories in.

Tami made some blueberry muffins for him. If I heat them up so they are soft and put butter on them he can get them down. Thanks Tam.

I have tried the protein powder every which way. I think he doesn't like it because it makes things taste grainy. It may be great in smoothies but he doesn't like them either.

I fully expect we will get a visit from the nutritionist this week once she sees the weight loss on his chart.

Thanks to the Belmont crew for the card and the gift card.

Thanks Carla for the kind words.

Tonight I had a discussion with our daughter. She offered to take Tom to his treatments so that I could get a break. I appreciate the offer. My response to her was - Why should I get a break when Dad can't take one? Tom and I are in this together. I can't believe anyone could be married as long as we have and not feel the way I do about this. I'm no marter and anyone who knows me definitely knows that I'm no Saint but I believe what I said to Tami. We're in this together all the way.

I am so grateful to my boss for allowing me to work at home and re-arrange my schedule in order to take Tom to his treatments each day and just to be with him. Thank you Brad.

There are certain days when I can't be with Tom because of work and I know I've said it before but I'm very grateful for those of you who stepped in to help when I couldn't be there.

Thanks to those of you who continue to read the Blog, e-mail, call, and visit. I won't say we couldn't do this without you because we don't have a choice but all that you do eases the burden. Thank you!

Day 20 of treatment. Is this a milestone yet?

Not much to report today regarding Tom's health. Last day of radiation before we go back to radiation and Chemo on Monday. He's definitely not looking forward to it.

Thanks for the comments regarding food choices. We've tried the Jello, too sweet. I made him mashed potatoes tonight. Added a little cheese and some protein powder just to give him some calories. Well, that didn't work. He didn't like them at all. Evidently the cheese and protein powder made them a little thick for him. Next time it will be plain mashed potatoes.

I tried another carnation shake, this time with Coconut milk. That way there would be no chance of a Lactose reaction. That didn't work either. I actually thought it was pretty good. He thought it was horrible.

So, it was back to soft scrambled eggs which seem to be the old standby. At least it's something. If he eats scrambled eggs for the rest of his treatment, fine with me as long as he eats something.

I also made some creme brulee without the sugar topping. He was able to eat that. Since it's made with egg yolks and cream, it has tons of calories and as long as he can eat it I'll continue to make it.

I'm not complaining, mind you. It's just frustrating because I want him to maintain as much strength as he can through this ordeal.

Making several different meals for dinner brings me back to the days when the kids were small and everyone wanted something different.

Donna (one of Tom's sisters) came to visit today. Thanks Donna.

Tom received two really nice cards today. Again, from some folks at the Morton building. Thanks so much ladies. Your cards and thoughts are very much appreciated.

What you don't see on the Blog is that each day, after my sister reads the Blog, she sends me an e-mail. In her e-mails she summarizes the situation we're in, tells us how great we're doing in fighting this disease every day, then gives us words of encouragement to keep going. Thanks Nan. I'm so glad you're my sister.

You've read it before. You'll read it again. Straight from the heart. Your cards, visits, comments, e-mails, kind words, thoughts and prayers are truly helping us through this ordeal. We are truly fortunate to have you all in our corner and for that we will be eternally grateful.

So here it is, Day 19. Almost 4 weeks (one month) into treatment. It amazes me that not so long ago Tom and I were both in shock, now here we are right in the middle of this thing. Maybe still in shock but at least in treatment.

Jeanne took Tom for treatment today and then to lunch. Thanks Jeanne. Guess he didn't eat much. He's pretty much limited to soft scrambled eggs now.

Thank you all so much for your comments. They are very much appreciated. We're also receiving e-mails in response to the Blog. Those too are very much appreciated. Somehow the comments help me to maintain some sort of sanity and to feel that we're not isolated and alone. It makes me wonder what people did before the internet.

Thanks Kristi for the ice cream suggestion. It might work, and probably would for the rest of us, but Tom wasn't an ice cream fan even when he was eating. I did buy some in hopes that he would eat a little each day, no go. Of course, we all know what happened then - I ate it. I do buy coconut milk ice cream (Tom is Lactose intolerant) to have on hand for our grandaughter. He likes it but again, ice cream isn't his favorite thing.

For those of you who know Tom well I think he's probably had less than six beers in the last 3 months. Carbonated beverages are out right now too. If he doesn't drink beer chances of him eating something he doesn't like are slim to none.

I did put some Boost in popsicle molds today - just in case.

If any of you can think of anything else I should try I'm up for suggestions.

I know you may get sick of reading this but it's important to tell you how much your comments, e-mails, calls and/or visits mean to us. Thank you!!

Thank you, Nan, for your continued words of encouragement. They mean more than you know.

Day 18 of treatment.

And so it begins. The part about them telling us it would get worse before it gets better.

Tom has been having a lot of, what we thought was, acid indigestion. Evidently it's internal burning from the radiation. He was having a hard time swallowing and it's getting worse. He couldn't eat anything tonight and for those of you who have seen him he can't afford to lose any more weight.

With several more weeks of radiation it's anybody's guess how we'll fare.

We can see the beginning stages of him losing his hair. It doesn't seem to be coming out in clumps but it is starting to thin. That's the least of our worries. He had his head shaved a while ago because he didn't want all the hair going down the drain. It's typical of him to think about those things.

It's been very difficult leaving him to go to work this week. I'm not sure how other people do it. I know he's been in capable hands and for that I'm very grateful. It's still difficult. I worry about him not eating, that he needs something and can't or won't get it.

I think about what this disease has done to our family. It is truly emotionally taxing. I think about all the things friends and family are doing for us and how their daily routines are also affected.

On a brighter note, we continue eating organic foods and using recycled paper products. I continue to make my own shampoo which I bring to Nan (my sister) to try out for me. We're doing all we can to stay away from chemical products that not only hurt us but the environment. Actually, it feels pretty good. If I could find anything good to come from this it would be that we're more diligent in eating organic foods and using recycled non-chemical products. Better for us. Better for the environment.

After talking to my sister in law my next project will be to try to make my own soap, from scratch. Ok, maybe a bit overboard, but I think it would be great. Nan, be prepared to sample it.

The nice thing about having a sister try the stuff is that she'll tell me if it's really good or really bad.

Some would say this sort of thing brings people closer. I can't say that because Tom and I have a great relationship. I won't say this doesn't put somewhat of a strain on it because I'd be lying but the strain for him is that he feels miserable and longs to feel better. The strain for me is that he feels miserable and I want him to feel better.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being there!!

Day 17 of treatment.

This will be a short post, not much to report.

One day of radiation and one day closer to the next round of Chemo.

Tom was given a Procrit injection today but didn't need any hydration. That's a good thing.

It's getting harder to find things he will eat. It hurts him to swallow. The doctor prescribed mouthwash that he has to gargle with and swallow four times a day. It makes his mouth and throat numb so he can swallow. Although the radiation isn't targeted at his throat they can't help but hit the throat when administering the radiation to his lung. I tried protein powder in his mashed potatoes. Anything is better than nothing. At least he ate it. Yesterday the doctor told him he has to eat more protein. Easier said than done.

I received an e-mail from a friend today with the following quote that I will end today's post with.

"Sieze the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family for they have helped make you the person you are today."

As always, thank you friends and family for being there for us. We love you all.

Day 16 of treatment. I will be putting the day of treatment at the beginning of each Blog just to track how far we've come. We should be in the middle of the treatment but the physician team may change the number of treatments depending on the results of the current treatment. We'll keep you posted.

Tom did ok over the weekend. Tired as usual. No weight gain but no weight loss either, at least not at last weigh in on Sunday.

Our friend Jeff brought him a box of tissues in the event that while watching soap operas during the day he might need to use one. Thanks Jeff. We can all use a little humor! For those of you who don't know, Tom actually watches Court TV, not soap operas.

Tom did fairly well today. Our brother-in-law took him to his treatment and then fishing. Thank you Chickie for hanging out with him today and Pip for feeding him lunch.

I had to travel to Nashua on business today and will be working there for the remainder of the week.

Tom has an appointment with the Oncologist tomorrow as a follow-up during treatment. They will check is blood pressure, blood count, and give him another Procrit shot, if necessary. If he's dehydrated again he'll receive intravenous hydration.

Thank God for family and friends, because without them, I'm not sure what we'd do. Chickie is spending three days of his vacation with Tom and Jeanne is going to spend some time with him on Thursday.

Whoever is reading this Blog now knows that the help that has been offered is being called upon. Thank you so much!! We will be forever grateful.

Thank you Tom and Ann for your encouraging words.

Short Blog today. More to come tomorrow.

We continue to say it. We can't say it enough. Thank you all for all you are doing to help us get through this.